Sunday, July 1, 2012


Where to begin with this.  For one, I couldn't be bothered to make a banner for it.  I just went with the already pre-fab picture.  I wasted enough time already watching this movie that I didn't needed to waste any more creating an image for it.

Story goes like this.  Girl comes to LA to become singer.  Meets boy in bar and gets job.  Falls in love with boy who takes to the stage.  They have fight and she becomes a stripper and he moves onto a boy band.  All the while a villainous lady is trying to clean up the streets of LA and ban heavy metal.  There you have it folks,  Rock of Ages in a nutshell with 80's rock as the soundtrack.

This movie is a total waste of time.  From the very amateurish acting from Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta, to the horrible directing of Adam Shankman, who I liked for Hairspray, but this is a whole other story.  I know it was supposed to be a little cheesy at times given the era and music, but everything just felt like an amateur production.  The camera work, the acting, the pacing.  When it all came down to it, it really felt like an adult version of GLEE.

The songs were good and the mash ups worked well, just the execution was terrible.  At one point it felt like I found the weird section of the Internet and really didn't know what I was supposed to be watching.  One scene in particular had Catherine Zeta-Jones and her church ladies dancing in church to Hit Me With Your Best Shot. all while her husband, the mayor, played by Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston was in the back room with his secretary while she was going 50 Shades of Grey on him.  It was a pretty bizarre scene and the whole movie goes on like that, from one weird scene to another.

Like I said in the last paragraph, the songs were good and the actors sang well.  Enter Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx.  He doesn't have a lot of lines to say but belts out the tunes like he was born to be on GLEE.  He mainly walks around like a zombie rock star, looking like he needs a good nights sleep.  From his character you can tell he was modelled after Axel Rose, now I may be wrong, but it almost seemed like he was channelling Axel in a lot of the scenes, from his costumes to his attitude.

Director Shankman is usually pretty good behind the camera but in this movie it just doesn't work.  Every scene seems either silly or just falls flat and most of the actors look like they are having ANYTHING but a good time.  Alec Baldwin looks like they threw hair extensions on him and told him to get in front of the camera, Russell Brand, who I absolutely love, felt like he was thrown in front of the camera to spew off some ridiculous lines.  Diego Boneta I kept seeing as a young Nic Cage with a dimpled chin, he really needed to life snapped into him.  The thing is, nothing seemed believable, that these characters really cared for each other.  Again, GLEE at it's worst.

I'm not going to beat around the bush any longer and just come out and say it, the movie was terrible.  The songs were it's only redeeming value, but when it comes down to it, the originals are always better.  Save your money and wait for Netflix or Redbox if you really want to see it.

I give this movie 1.5 stars out of 5.  Don't bother putting another dime in that jukebox baby, the bar is closed.

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